starting over at 31. in a new city. single. didn't think things through before turning down amsterdam. but that is the story of my life- do and think later. do and learn by doing. k has always called me scrappy, saying i can make something out of nothing, that i have fight in me. i always survive.
i'm beginning to understand los angeles. mostly driving home on the 10 late at night. l.a. has wide arms, embraces you geographically. new york city towers over, looks down at you but los angeles can be traversed, though some days at a snail's pace. it's accessible- you can dream big here.
i've never been about winning. i don't understand fame for the sake of it. which isn't to say i don't want to make a mark. it may be with a book. or photographs. or children. i haven't decided yet and l.a. can make you feel like you never have to decide. there is too much space here, for success or failure. definitely enough distraction for failure.
nine months and counting. i would like to land somewhere and stay put. i'd like to have a reason to stay. i wish the city could be enough, the way nyc is sometimes enough. all you have to do is stand on a sidewalk in manhattan, downtown, at night. it's enough. stand on a sidewalk in los angeles and all you feel is the cars, driving by, on their way to someplace you're not going.
