08 December 2012

31 single california

starting over at 31. in a new city. single. didn't think things through before turning down amsterdam. but that is the story of my life- do and think later. do and learn by doing. k has always called me scrappy, saying i can make something out of nothing, that i have fight in me. i always survive.

i'm beginning to understand los angeles. mostly driving home on the 10 late at night. l.a. has wide arms, embraces you geographically. new york city towers over, looks down at you but los angeles can be traversed, though some days at a snail's pace. it's accessible- you can dream big here.

i've never been about winning. i don't understand fame for the sake of it. which isn't to say i don't want to make a mark. it may be with a book. or photographs. or children. i haven't decided yet and l.a. can make you feel like you never have to decide. there is too much space here, for success or failure. definitely enough distraction for failure.

nine months and counting. i would like to land somewhere and stay put. i'd like to have a reason to stay. i wish the city could be enough, the way nyc is sometimes enough. all you have to do is stand on a sidewalk in manhattan, downtown, at night. it's enough. stand on a sidewalk in los angeles and all you feel is the cars, driving by, on their way to someplace you're not going.


  1. This post makes me want to be your best friend.

  2. I know the feeling. they say new york is tough but los angeles can be a harsh mistress. You need to find the gems that keep you sane, like I assume you would have to anywhere. I know my opinion is unsolicited, but when I was new and alone in los angeles I wouldn't have survived except for the experience guide of my few friends already there. I'd love to share what has been gifted to me if you're interested. Let me preface it by saying that, I am bias to the east side, echo park, downtown, etc. Let me know if I can help.

    1. aww, thank you. this was written on an esp. emo night but i'm actually fine. (i hardly update this blog.) i left new york for a reason. and i'm learning to love l.a. for what it is. i'm also partial to the east side and the youthfulness of it, the energy. but any advice about what to check out, where to go is appreciated. :)